From an early age, I learned to repress my negative emotions, my sensitivity, and learned to be strong and try to figure everything out by myself. I learned to not ask for help even if I really needed it. I saw my state of vulnerability as weakness that was my burden alone to bear and discouraged it to the point where it’s still sometimes difficult to get to that place. I thought there was something wrong with me and had a messed up version of my sexuality in comparing myself to the caricatures of men in bad movies, bad music, and bad porn.
I didn’t begin to experience the depths of love, of mind-body-spirit, vulnerability, and sexual/sensual/romantic satisfaction until I was in my mid 20s, and especially so in just the last ~4 years.
As I write this I think about how grateful I am to the special women in my life who helped me see beyond my own conditioning and into my true self. I feel like women are overburdened with men’s bullshit so I’ve been feeling a calling to help other men who are struggling in similar ways.
It’s been a long journey for me, and as I dive in deeper and peel back the layers, I find that I still have a long ways to go in many regards. It’s scary sometimes but I’m fortunate to have a good support system and more of the tools necessary to heal. One foot in front of the other 🙂
It helps to know there are many people out there who are searching and seeking truth from within, and looking to share the healing found with others.